Week 4 of 52
This year, as I’ve already painted a bit of the picture in past posts, I knew I needed to do things differently than the previous. Not just in one area of my life but, truthfully, in every area. They say the definition of insanity is to do the same things over again expecting different results and that’s what I’d been doing. The most important area that needed a stronger foundation was my relationship with God.
Since I was a little girl, I’ve had a special relationship with God. I could feel God’s presence in many ways and was overcome with love and gratitude at a young age. Through out my years, I’ve kept that same reverence though it has been an evolving relationship, especially last year. I felt somewhat far away and distant from God. I let life’s confusion and disappointments waver my faith and started to question my life’s purpose, or lack there of, more than ever. I hit a mental rock bottom and knew that my only option, if I had to be here on planet earth, was to peel back another layer with God.
Every January my church does a 21 day prayer and fast, but they take it to a higher level. In the mornings during those 21 days, they open the church for prayer and worship from 7-8AM. Last year when I heard this I felt called to be there, however, I didn’t attend. This year, I committed to going a few times, but wasn’t going to put the pressure on myself to go every day. The prayer and fast started Sunday, January 8th and that next morning I set my alarm for 6AM to be there by 7. I had least made up my mind that I was going attend that Monday morning to see what it was all about. Immediately when I got there, I felt instant relief. I felt not only God’s presence, but the intimacy of being there early morning with a handful of people, was unlike any service I had ever experienced. After I left that morning, I knew I needed to be there all 21 days.
During the 21 days of going to church (which actually ended up being 22 days), I truly became closer in my walk with the Lord. Not only did I build Christ as my foundation in all areas of my life; I was also sanctified in mind, body and spirit. I felt alive again and found more inspiration in three weeks than I did all of 2022. There were breakthroughs, clarity, and an everlasting peace that I could only find in God’s love. I also found purpose and commitment by waking up every morning, leaving my home and dedicating that time to God. The 21 days were filled with so much beauty and grace that I cried numerous times when it was over. If I could go to church for 21 more days straight, I think I would do just that!
Now that the fast is over, I’ve also learned what it looks like to really pray. I’ve always prayed, but God has shown me a fresh perspective on talking with him. On dedicating time to praise and bringing my concerns to him. I have immense gratitude for the experience and it set the foundation for not only this year, but for the rest of my life.
“Prayer is not asking. Prayer is putting oneself in the hands of God, at His disposition, and listening to His voice in the depth of our hearts.” – Mother Teresa